Destined to be bitter-er?

One of the points my mom loved about me when I was a child was that I dislike candy. Well, I wouldn't say I dislike all candies. There were a few exceptions but my decisions weren't easily swayed by candy. No adult can bribe me into anything with candy. Proud? I can't say I was proud. My mom was definitely proud. Then at some point, she called me a weird child for not loving candy because by then, she realized I was also picky on other foods. Candies I dislike include gummy worms, starbursts, jolly ranchers... there are so many. However, there is always one exception: chocolate. Not just any chocolate, I only love a few chocolate. Hershey's, kit kat, malteser's,... I think that's it. I may have forgotten a few. Anyways, once I started drinking coffee, I found out I love a bit of bitterness in things I drink and eat. I don't mind bitter melon. I can even withstand drinking horribly bitter herbal teas (then again, I had no choice when I do drink them).

So it seems I thought I figured out what I love to eat and drink. I understand that tastes preference can change with age. I used to hate onions. Now I love them. I hate eggplants. Now I think they're not bad. I still dislike peas, carrots, and celery though. However, I didn't expect one thing to change so much: my love for chocolate. I love eating Hershey's plain milk chocolate... or at least I did back then. I purchased a huge bag of Hershey's milk chocolate kisses for my tutoring sessions, hoping the kisses will be the prize for my students' improvement. It worked well. Sadly, I overestimated my need for the chocolate for my students. One can't keep giving out prizes. It must be earned but children don't improve as quickly as one expected. So now I'm stuck with a huge bag of kisses. But wait! I wasn't silly when I bought the chocolate. I had a plan! If I didn't get to give as much chocolate as I want, I can always eat them by myself. Delicious Hershey's kisses all to myself! Seeing how I didn't even get to eat one since I bought it, I decided to just eat one. One kiss shouldn't be too bad. There were plenty left for my students if I needed rewards. After one bite... bleh! It was too sweet for me. I clearly lost my appetite for milk chocolate after so many years. So after that day, I chose only to eat dark chocolate.  I was even able to eat the dark chocolate mini bottles with alcohol in them. My appetite has gone from moderately sweet to bitterness. Not that I'm complaining. It was just a shock that my taste changed faster than I remembered. Oh well, that's something small to think about.

Now, how am I suppose to get rid of the huge bag of Hershey's kisses???

WTF Moment #1: Getting a girl

There will always be moments where you can't help but go "what the f***?!" Life is spontaneous that way. Sometimes it likes to throw curve balls at you just to see how you can deal with the situation. Whether it is a serious moment or just a brief moment of awe, retelling the story is sometimes a good conversation starter. Now just to be fair, my stories may not make you go "wtf" like I did but maybe it will stimulate your memories of your "wtf" moments.

Children are adorable little things. They see the world through innocent eyes. Always expecting the good, never the bad. Sadly those moments are very short. Once they hit middle school, drama will start pouring in and it's easy to tell that they aren't as innocent as before.

I was hanging out with my cousins during a family barbecue. If you have previously hung out with children that are at least 8 years younger than you, then you would know that at some point, they will always ask for advice in literally anything. I always saw my cousins as children or at least I don't believe they are capable of thinking as adults until high school (of course, that is a matter of opinion and I can be awfully wrong). So the youngest of the two was already in middle school and in the middle of our conversation, he stated he liked a girl. Of course I was happy. Someone I care about is crushing on someone else (so adorable!). I didn't want to butt into his business too much so I asked very general questions about the crush. "Did you meet her in class?" "Are you friends?" "How long have you had these feelings? ;)" After asking a few questions, I decided to let the topic go. I don't want to embarrass the boy. I do know that he was expecting something. No person just states he or she likes someone without an objective. He then stated that the girl already has a boyfriend. Oh?! So now I'm just plain curious. He stated he has a crush on this girl and she happened to be already taken. Was he hinting on seeking advice to get over her? Nope. He asked, "how do I get her to like me instead?" Woooooow! You did not read that wrong. He was asking me for advice to get a girl to break up with her current boyfriend and date him instead.

I understand. He likes this girl. He wants her to be his instead. He wants her to love him. I get it... but to find a way to make her break up with her boyfriend? Isn't that thought messed up? What can I say? Of course I told him he should not be thinking about stealing her and instead care for her happiness. Whether she stays or break up with her boyfriend, it is her business. If he truly loves her, he should only care if she's ever happy even if she ends up staying with her boyfriend. Wouldn't it be arrogant to think that he (my cousin) would be the better choice even if she may end up unhappy? No. Love doesn't work that way. It's not always about the material gain or being the best in everything (but those are attention grabbers). It's always about compatibility between personalities and compromises. I was so tempted to just yell at my cousin "No!" but that wouldn't be the appropriate way to teach him. I pray I am never asked this question again.

2014 Resolution Update

4 months have passed since anyone has made his or her New Year's resolution. What better way to spend my free time than to look back and review my progress.

So one of my resolutions was keeping contact with my friends. Well, I wouldn't say I'm doing great on that but I did spend one or two meals with a friend. It was nice to see where we are all going in life. There were many events that forcibly change our goals. Financial issues or a change of interest. Life will always be a mystery and it is nice to know that I'm not the only one lost (but I'm probably the only one without an actual life plan yet).

Getting motivation and bringing my creativity up was harder than I thought. After sacrificing my hobby times for studying times in college, it's really hard to find my artistic self again. Maybe it was the 4-year studious schedule that got me into a somewhat boring habits. Or maybe I'm just not the same old me back from high school. Back when I don't really care too much about my grades and how my life will go (because I thought college was the answer to everything). Oh well. I just have to leave that and see how it goes.

Nail biting! That went well...for 3 months and now I got back to the habit again. In a way, I got to see how my nails look when they were long. So what did I do? I decided to wear fake nails. I can't deny it. This really helps as long as the plastic stays on. How long will it take to break the habit entirely? I'm not sure. I still don't know why I have this habit to begin with but hopefully it will go away.

Last, keeping this blog alive. Uhh... it's alive I guess, depending on how you see it. Honestly, I still haven't touch my dA page (lack of creativity and lack of a scanner). For instagram, I originally wanted to just post up other creations I made such has my cooking or some 3D art projects. Sadly I don't have time for that. I didn't even write any stories when I said I would. Even now, I don't think I would. The synopsis for my story was a demon king was granted vacation time on present-day Earth after working for who knows how long. He is now in this world with no cultural knowledge of this current generation. Each chapter was suppose to be presented like an episode of a TV show, with the king learning something new each time. Examples include learning about technology, living style, what humans are attracted from the opposite genders, etc. Basically it's like learning a whole new culture. There was a short written storyboard extending up to 10 chapters (I think). However, as much as I want to write it, I can never find an ending to the story. That's why I gave up on it. Maybe I will get back to it one day but for now, I find it cliche and boring.

Well, that's my progress on my New Year's revolution. Can't say I'm doing so well. Besides that, I did end up with 2 part time jobs. Hopefully I don't lose either of them, and get a better full-time in the future. Good luck to everyone who is still working on their resolution.

Childhood #6: Tutoring

Wow! Time flies fast when one is seriously busy. Sorry for the lack of entries. I was more focused on financial issues but hopefully it will work out now.

So tutoring is not exactly a pleasant topic for me. I don't know if it is a common feeling among Asians but many times when I hear that I need tutoring, I feel like a failure as if I wasn't good enough. I was pathetic and stupid. Now I'm not saying people who take tutoring are stupid. I was a bit stubborn and would like it if I was already good enough for many things. I was a teen who was tired of homework and tests. When I heard I needed to take prep courses, I just felt that I am not good enough for my parents' standards. The concept of my parents' wanting to insure I get into college never occurred to me. All I thought about was how I wasn't smart as I thought I was.

The prep courses I took was for the SAT. It wasn't exactly a pleasant place. The tutors were nice and considerate. They knew the students wanted to get through the session as quick as possible and then leave immediately. They tried to keep us entertained and took the time to explain the lesson thoroughly. Sadly, that was the only positive thing I found in my prep courses. Besides the tutors, the counselors were really strict. Every time I meet them, it felt as though they were demanding me to improve (which doesn't really help with that attitude). Also the tutoring site consist of two classrooms - one with no windows, the other had its windows covered with some sort of black coating. If I had claustrophobia, I wouldn't have survived. Fortunately I didn't but I still felt uncomfortable with the sealed windows and small spacing. So the curriculum consist of sample tests and reviewing wrong answers. Every sample test scores were recorded and tracked by the counselors. It was a horrible weekly session.

What I got out of it? Well, I improved my score by 400 points which is not too bad. Sadly I never hit 2000 points. Oh well...

So I thought of tutoring because I currently am working as a tutor. Thinking back about my personal tutoring experience,  I don't want to be a cold tutor towards my students. To be a bit strict is fine but to be cold is not too good with progress. I am hoping I can follow what my whole family said before: "A good teacher is a person the student fears on academics but he is also the first person the student will request any kind of help from." 

Friends #2: Laziness is not an excuse

So two years ago, I typed an entry about losing friends and getting new ones. It makes sense that we constantly change friends, whether it's due to living area or life events. No matter what we will face that problem. However, just a few weeks ago, I heard from my sis that her friend understands that idea as well (she doesn't read my blogs though) and that friend ended up not caring about her own friends anymore. She just assumes that she'll get new ones whom she will care for a while and then give up on them because she thinks they'll unfriend her. Now I understand that friends do come and go, and it's inevitable. However, should we just give up on friends that easily?

Friends are people we are fond of hanging out with. We share happy and sad moments. We encourage or discourage each others' acts (depending on the situation). At some times, we seek each other's advice. Friends are people whom we are happy to be with and the only price for friendship is time. If I had to make a scale to display price and the type of relationship it follows, I say material prices such as money, gifts, and deeds, are prices for business partners. As for regular friendship, it will be time because we don't expect too much from friends other than their support and companionship. Now if we do expect gifts and materials from friends, I think we need to get our priorities straight. We are getting off topic here so let's return to the initial question.

Friends come and go, so should we just give up on having friends? It depends on what you desire. If you desire gifts and deeds, then yes, you should give up since you obviously can find other people to do that for you for a temporary amount of time. In other words, you are a sugar baby regardless if that person funding you is your boy/girl friend or just a friend. However, if you desire actual long lasting friendships and support without caring for the gifts that follows, then you shouldn't be giving up so easily. First of all, we know any type of relationship - business, friends, or sexual - takes time to build. How can you keep calling people you hang around as your friends if you keep giving up on the idea of friends?

In my sis's friend's situation, she wants friends. She claims that she is lonely and she doesn't have that much friends. However, when a person asked her to hang out, she will only go out if she is "in the mood." Of course, that makes sense. All of us would only hang out if we have the mood for it. However, should we follow that rule all the time? What if your friend just lost a family member and need someone to talk to, should we put ourselves above your friend's needs? This is where our priorities come into play. It's okay to refuse a talk or hang out but do remember that this shows your friends that you placed your priorities somewhere else. And if your excuse is just your mood and nothing else, it can be really upsetting to your friend, knowing that you placed your comfort over your friend's needs. So exactly what is the problem here? This friend only talks or hang out when she is in the mood. She stated, "if online (instant messenger or Facebook) and I am away or busy, it means I am in no mood to talk." So my sis asked "why not just put it on offline?" That makes sense. We are not always in the mood for attention so what is the reason to notify people you are online but you are in no mood to talk? Why REFUSE the offline option? In the beginning, my sis and I were not exactly sure why she did that and we disregard it as a preference. However, once my sis had a serious personal issue (no, not about gossiping how someone mistreated her. We are talking about SERIOUS issue) and she need a friend to talk, that friend repeated her statement how she is in no mood to talk. And she wonders why she can't get long time friends...

Now tell me. Did I misunderstood something? Friends remain friends because we sacrifice (at least) a small amount of time for them. Does this girl really have an issue? or am I having priority issues? I would love to type more detail about my sis's conversation with her friend. However, not everyone wants a full detail of the story unless interested. So, FRIENDS, what do they mean to you?