Advice #2: Hanging out with people you dislike

No matter how many times you pray or try to be nice, there will always be people in this world that will dislike you or vice versa. It's true and unavoidable. The best solution is, of course, don't hang around them. Why be with people that makes you sad, correct? Well, yes, that solution works most of the time. However, not all of us have that choice. What happens if this person is a friend of your friend? and this person tends to "cling" onto your buddy all the time? Or worse, what happens if you are related to this person? (I'm pretty sure there are some people who dislike their relatives.)

First of all, realize that this person you dislike is also a dynamic person, like you. This person has feelings, memories, and experiences just like you, only different ones. When I say a dynamic person, I meant he or she can change (both positively and negatively). He/she is not static but that doesn't mean he/she won't seem static. However, don't expect that person to change for you. (He/she would have changed in the first place and you wouldn't be in this situation then.) Overall, this person is still a living, breathing human being like you and obviously there are people that might misunderstand and dislike you. If someone dislikes you and you have a reason for your actions, the person you dislike should also be given the right to reason. 

When you finally understand that person has a life with goals (and feelings!), you should realize that he/she has a good and a bad side. Everyone does. (If you can only see this person as an object, I think the person with the problem is you and not him/her.) When we meet someone new, we always ask what are the good traits of that person. "What's his/her favorite music?" "Is he/she clean?" No matter how many questions we ask, we always expect good answers, hoping to create a new friendship. This is the perspective we want when we see the person we dislike. By always assuming you are meeting someone new, you will always ask questions and expect positive answers.

Well, that sounds easy enough but what if we can't forget the bad side of this particular person? In that case, try forcing yourself to name positive traits about that person (other than intelligence and beauty). Back in my high school, every class had to sign a "social contract." I have no idea who came up with the idea but it was a way for teachers to teach students to be respectful. In the contract, one promises when a person feels insulted by one's comment, that one person must give a compliment to the insulted one. And to make it harder, my teacher disregards simple comments like "you are smart," "you are nice," and "you are beautiful." This makes my classmates and me feel pressured into thinking good compliments. This social contract is not a too bad of an idea. It forces oneself to look at a person positively, which is really hard if one already hates that person.

But how does looking at a person positively help with our dislikes for him/her? Actually it reminds us that the person we dislike is not all too bad. He/she is not a punishment sent from the heavens. Our distaste in that person can usually cloud our perception of how the person might really be. Also, knowing that the person is not all too bad, you will likely give more chances to see more positive traits. And for sure, if you see enough positive traits, you might end up liking that person... or at least tolerate his/her presence.

I actually wish many people would think this way instead of sending hates towards each other. However, my method doesn't solve every problem. I myself still have people I dislike, and I avoid them as much as possible. This method just helps my tolerance. Also this method is not a reason to put trust in other people that easily. Trust is a different issue. I just want to help some people so their hang outs will not be a "living hell." So good luck to you all!

Rain, Rain... Go Away... Come Again Another Day

It is finally April. What does it means? April showers, of course! Depending on what type of person you are, you may either enjoy the rain or you fully hate it. Either way, it is the time of year where mother nature takes her course and water her land to bring in new life.

I have a love-hate relationship with rain. In Hong Kong, rain is very common. It rains in the spring. It rains in the summer. It rains in the fall and winter too. It is a full year of rain in Hong Kong (either that or harsh humidity). No matter what season, Hong Kong can bring in rain. In worst cases, a typhoon can come instead of rain. For those of you who never experience such storm, typhoon is like the sky decided to not sprinkle water on you, instead gives you a whole bucket all at once. If the typhoon last long enough, it may even flood in Hong Kong. This is not the reason why I dislike the rain. My main reason is that because it rains so often in Hong Kong, I rarely get to see the sun and clear sky. Also I feel rain is not necessarily counted as clean water. Call me a freak if you like but I feel dirty if I'm wet from the rain.

The rain is not always bad. If it was raining outside and I was indoors, I feel very comfortable and cozy with a cup of hot tea and a movie to watch. Raining weather became relaxing time (with the exception of finishing papers and studies). Also after moving to California, seeing a full rain storm is close to never. So sometimes when I do see rain, I feel both love and hatred for it. I know rain is an uncommon sight now so I still treasure the scenery. Mother nature has a way to toy with my feelings.