At some point in one's life, another person's life finishes. It is an unavoidable event and usually unexpected. For a person as old as I am, I have to say I am very fortunate not to have any one close to me pass away. However, that doesn't mean I am blessed to not have to suffer the loss. As stated, it is unavoidable and so my time of loss will come soon. Still the topic got me thinking. It isn't the first time I thought of this topic (and I don't expect it to be my last).
The first time I thought of this was when a friend of my sibling suffered cardiac arrest. It was really unexpected for the friend was very healthy not too long before the incident. Many teachers and friends were very shocked. The next few deaths I heard were of suicides of acquaintances. These deaths will always remain a mystery and coming to closure were hard. During those times, I didn't understand. I didn't know how to respond to those news for the people weren't involved in my life.
Recently I had a few distant relatives passed away. I didn't really feel upset but that is caused by my lack of bonding time with those relatives. Besides these relatives, the father of a friend of mine also just recently passed away. So I couldn't help but think: how would I react if someone close to me passes away? Will I cry loudly? Or would I remain quiet? How long will it take for me to recover? These questions can't be answered until I experience the event... On the other hand, do I want these questions answered? It's hard to say. However, in my opinion, it's never too late to be prepared. Now, I'm not saying to go buy a gravestone and coffin right now. That is very depressing. No, I'm talking about having a mind set to help oneself move on when the time comes. So here's what I think will help me for that future.
First, it's necessary to remind oneself that the world continues to spin. Time might feel like it stopped but sadly that is not true. There's no pause button so everyone has to pick him/herself up as soon as possible. A vacation from work might be a good idea but at some point, one needs to return to work. How can we get used to living without the deceased if we are not continuing living our normal life?
Second, it will help a lot to be prepared for paying the burial cost. It is understandable that deaths are unexpected and to think of such topic is almost taboo. However, I would feel totally ashamed if I can't afford to give my loved one a proper burial. So that means I need to leave a small share of savings for such event. Knowing that my loved one can have a decent burial comforts at least maybe 1% of the heart. Sometimes having faith in a religion helps.
Third, never forget the happy moments. Is it weird that we usually think of happy moments when the person is gone and not when he or she is present? There's always a regret. From wishing to say "thank you" to "I'm sorry," there are many things we wish we could do before the person left. Sadly, we don't know the state of our loved ones' hour glasses. Sometimes we think we have all the time in the world and procrastinate in showing our love. This advice might also help in regular life. Always think positively about everyone. It is hard but possible. Once we think of the person in a positive manner, we will compliment and thank them more often automatically. Also each moment with them is another beautiful memory. So when the time comes, there's less regrets and more wishes for a happy afterlife.
I know. They all sound cheesy and how would a girl who barely experienced such loss give such an advice?! Well, I don't know what to say. This is my thoughts, my view when someone I know lost someone. I don't know if these advice will help pick someone back on their feet. However, I think this is just a good reminder. Maybe it doesn't work on others and this will end up being a note to myself to help me get back on my own feet. Either way, may the Lord (or the diety of your religion) bless the deceased and bring them to the afterlife in peace.
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