Oh my goodness? When is the last time I had an entry? It has been 2 weeks but it feels like years. Anyways, sorry for my late entry again. A week ago, I had my finals and this coming Friday, I'm having another big exam that might influence my life forever. With so many things happening in my life, I'm starting to question my effort. I have been studying for quite some time towards my goal in the medical field. However, after each college year, I feel less motivated than I was the year before. Usually I am very artistic. Every week I would draw a picture or every few months I would post an artwork on my Deviantart account. However, I haven't touched that account for almost a year and I am constantly having the artist's block to make a new artwork (although they are not the best to begin with). I feel my account is being neglected at the moment. Either way, I have been noticing my "character" to be less human and more robotic. Each day is like a constant routine to me now. Either I go to school and study or I play video games on free times. Since I play video games, shouldn't I still have some artistic character left? I thought that could be it several years ago. Sadly no since I am playing a product of someone else's imagination instead of creating a product of my own. It's like my imagination became linear, following the creator's art instead of spreading like branches on a tree. I can't think beyond the creator's art, only within it. As an artist, it feels disgraceful when one merely copies another person's art due to lack of motivation.
This lack of creativity seems to correlate with my motivation. So now my question is this: is there really a job I can be passionate in? With the economy today, is a passionate job a good gamble compared to a well-paying (or even stable) job? The answer is not easy to come by. I am okay with the career I'm working for. However, to say I'm passionate about it is a lie. I never seem to remember doing something that I'm passionate about, to do something that you are happy doing regardless you get paid or not. So while I'm trying to answer my own questions, I remembered something simple, something I almost forgot and couldn't stand forgetting. It's December. The month of joy. The month of giving. The month of Christmas. From there, I decided to set my questions aside and remember what I listed in my Thanksgiving thankful list. I have my family and my friends. People who see me not as a number but as a person in this world. I may not be as motivated as before but I hope they will be my motivation to move forward, as far as I can until I find my own passion in life. Always remember what you have because that may be your motivation to live on.
Out of all this, there is a song that came out around this time last year that reminded me of what is important. So I share with you what I always listen to regain my motivation in life. And just in case I can't make it back for Christmas, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
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