Friends #2: Laziness is not an excuse

So two years ago, I typed an entry about losing friends and getting new ones. It makes sense that we constantly change friends, whether it's due to living area or life events. No matter what we will face that problem. However, just a few weeks ago, I heard from my sis that her friend understands that idea as well (she doesn't read my blogs though) and that friend ended up not caring about her own friends anymore. She just assumes that she'll get new ones whom she will care for a while and then give up on them because she thinks they'll unfriend her. Now I understand that friends do come and go, and it's inevitable. However, should we just give up on friends that easily?

Friends are people we are fond of hanging out with. We share happy and sad moments. We encourage or discourage each others' acts (depending on the situation). At some times, we seek each other's advice. Friends are people whom we are happy to be with and the only price for friendship is time. If I had to make a scale to display price and the type of relationship it follows, I say material prices such as money, gifts, and deeds, are prices for business partners. As for regular friendship, it will be time because we don't expect too much from friends other than their support and companionship. Now if we do expect gifts and materials from friends, I think we need to get our priorities straight. We are getting off topic here so let's return to the initial question.

Friends come and go, so should we just give up on having friends? It depends on what you desire. If you desire gifts and deeds, then yes, you should give up since you obviously can find other people to do that for you for a temporary amount of time. In other words, you are a sugar baby regardless if that person funding you is your boy/girl friend or just a friend. However, if you desire actual long lasting friendships and support without caring for the gifts that follows, then you shouldn't be giving up so easily. First of all, we know any type of relationship - business, friends, or sexual - takes time to build. How can you keep calling people you hang around as your friends if you keep giving up on the idea of friends?

In my sis's friend's situation, she wants friends. She claims that she is lonely and she doesn't have that much friends. However, when a person asked her to hang out, she will only go out if she is "in the mood." Of course, that makes sense. All of us would only hang out if we have the mood for it. However, should we follow that rule all the time? What if your friend just lost a family member and need someone to talk to, should we put ourselves above your friend's needs? This is where our priorities come into play. It's okay to refuse a talk or hang out but do remember that this shows your friends that you placed your priorities somewhere else. And if your excuse is just your mood and nothing else, it can be really upsetting to your friend, knowing that you placed your comfort over your friend's needs. So exactly what is the problem here? This friend only talks or hang out when she is in the mood. She stated, "if online (instant messenger or Facebook) and I am away or busy, it means I am in no mood to talk." So my sis asked "why not just put it on offline?" That makes sense. We are not always in the mood for attention so what is the reason to notify people you are online but you are in no mood to talk? Why REFUSE the offline option? In the beginning, my sis and I were not exactly sure why she did that and we disregard it as a preference. However, once my sis had a serious personal issue (no, not about gossiping how someone mistreated her. We are talking about SERIOUS issue) and she need a friend to talk, that friend repeated her statement how she is in no mood to talk. And she wonders why she can't get long time friends...

Now tell me. Did I misunderstood something? Friends remain friends because we sacrifice (at least) a small amount of time for them. Does this girl really have an issue? or am I having priority issues? I would love to type more detail about my sis's conversation with her friend. However, not everyone wants a full detail of the story unless interested. So, FRIENDS, what do they mean to you?

Friends #1: They come and go

One thing I learned from my experience is that friends come and go easily. A person who you might think would be your best friend for life can be an acquaintance the next year. It is not easy to learn this if you were in the same group of friends for several years. It wasn't easy for me, especially when social networks were not well known back then. Email was the common medium.

The first time I learn this was back in Asia. I had many good friends. Everyone would go to each others' birthday parties. The same group of friends would always be seen together, changing games every once in a while during recess. Everything seem static. However, by sixth grade, my family decided to move to the United States. Obviously I was very young. Young enough to not understand or adapt easily to change. Not old enough to not care about "fitting in." Emailing was the only well-known way to stay in touch. Blogs were easy to keep update on other friends' life but not easy to communicate with. So I lose touch with my elementary friends quite quickly. 

It was middle school, a time when many preteens started to learn their own identity. While everyone cares about who likes who, or who did what, I only cared about finding people to fill in the loneliness. It wasn't easy to find new friends while missing the old ones, especially if one of them was a best friend. Fortunately, I found very nice friends in middle school. Sadly, that came to an end again when I moved to another city for high school. Now we're not talking about one city away. We're talking about a whole new county away. It was almost impossible to make time to chat with my old friends. Instant messengers were convenient for a certain extent until everyone became too busy to stay online. So I ended up with new high school friends. 

Of course we understand high school. It's a time when a student doesn't have to have the exact same class or teacher with another student. So the classmates usually change every year. I hung out with a certain group one year but I would hung out with another group the next. Fortunately, high school wasn't too big so many circles of friends overlap one another. It was easy to stay in touch with a friend who may not be in any of my classes. Soon enough college applications came along. The idea of losing my friends hit me once again. Many people ask me already. Why must I sound so depressing? If I put effort, wouldn't I be able to stay in touch with them? Actually I tried. However, being an introvert doesn't help. I'm not a party type and sadly my friends were so that's when we slowly drift apart.

Good news: I made friends in college. Sad news: it's my senior year. So that whole idea is coming back to me again. So why am I talking about this? Friends come and go. And many times, I feel depress when I lost contact with someone. There comes a time when I feel jealous of others who seem to be able to stay in touch with someone for so many years. However, no matter how sad I get, I can't help remembering all the happy moments I have with my old friends. True, they're no longer my friends but the memories still remain. I remember the time when I danced the chicken dance with a friend just to attract people to join our club. There was also a time when I played Dungeons and Dragons and I learned how complicated that game is. The funniest moment (according to a friend) was when I made a mistake in my lab, and I used foul language. Everyone was surprised to know I used such word in public (I usually use them in private). It was just shocking to them. Maybe I'm just unlucky that my old friends and I don't keep in touch as much as I like, but it only makes my memories seem more special. So even though you don't know if your friends will stay with you, you should always try to spend time with time, treasure every moment. They won't stay with you, but they make your life exciting and beautiful.

By the way, I actually am still in contact with a few high school friends. Although a majority of them don't talk to me anymore, a few still talk to me now and then. For that, thank you guys for putting up with my introversion. I could never have wish for better friends.